A Work in Progress

I am....
A work in progress.
I know this.
I am learning to live with that.... accepting that there are things in life I cannot change and have no control over, but I DO have control over whether or not I let those things control me.
I think that is one of my biggest downfalls- that I let "things" get to me, control me, and hurt me- it seriously takes up way too much of my time, energy, and tears. Some people say this is not a downfall- but a great strength- that I love deeply and care deeply. Is it possible that it can be both a strength and a weakness? Perhaps....

I have always had great faith in the Savior, and during the times that I let life and circumstance "work me over", I forget the most simple and beautiful truths of the gospel.... or maybe I just forget that they really do apply to me and work for me. I am so thankful for Him... how marvelous is the love and peace we can feel when we let Him heal us. The atonement does not simply cover us from our sins and allow us to repent from them, but He also took our burdens upon him. Every single one of those burdens. There is not one thing that he did not feel and does not understand. His love is total and complete. I hope to be like that someday.
Even though I know this deep in my heart, I still cannot always let it happen. I am not there yet. Why do I hold on to all the heartache when I know that letting it go will very literally free me? It is a process I suppose I go through, working through each heartache and disappointment until I reach the edge and am ready to give it up.
How I wish I could so freely forgive and forget. How amazing is it that when the Savior was mocked, beaten, tormented, and betrayed by his very best friends, and then hung up to die- his first and last thought was for others and not for himself. Sometimes I feel alone, but He was truly alone, even the Father left him at that time in order for his sacrifice to be complete.
So, I have a ways to go. Those of you who know and see my weaknesses and faults, I hope you can forgive me and overlook them. If you look, you will surely find faults. But somewhere deep, there is goodness. That is what I need to focus on, and maybe someday the goodness will shine far brighter than anything else.

A work in progress.